Thursday, January 23, 2014

Kink Meme, Day 4

"Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?"

The first year I went away to summer camp was the first time I ever started doing some serious fooling around with boys. I was young, but not as young as other girls were when they started fooling around; I think I was maybe fifteen. Actually, that's kind of old, no?

In any case, there were two boys that I did some serious fooling around with that summer. The first became my "boyfriend," if you can call any boy you know for one week and then "go out with" for another week your boyfriend. It was a teenager's summer fling, of course. Nothing serious. But oh boy, did he introduce me to some heady passion.

We would sneak down the lake at night, and he would kiss me under the stars. And when he realized I liked it, he would pin my arms over my head, and roam his other hand under my clothes; and I would have to protest mighty heavily for him to stop when it got too far. It wasn't because he was a bad kid, or trying to molest me or anything; it was that I'd already stopped him a few times, only to then tell him to keep going afterward. So I guess it was confusing for both of us. Of course, back then there was no such idea of a "safeword" for me.

Once we were done with our "relationship," I started a crush on another boy, the bad boy of the camp. You know, the loner, the cool one, the one with the leather jacket and the swagger. When I made my interest clear, he came to my bunk one day when he knew I was alone, and...things quickly got out of hand. He was too forceful, and wanted too much from me, and didn't get the message that I wasn't willing to do everything he had in mind until I kicked him, hard. Then he left. But that kind of forcefulness wasn't a turn on. Even then, I could tell that he didn't give a damn about what I wanted, or what would please me (although I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge I have now to put that statement into words. I just knew he was bad news, and in a dangerous way, not a cool way).

So I guess, from the beginning, I was instinctively looking for a guy who could figure out fast what I liked, and give it the way I liked it, without going too far. But I think that's true for everyone, no? I was looking for a guy who would consider my needs, my pleasure, and also give it rough.

But oh, how it felt to be kissed under the stars, with my arms pinned over my head....

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