So I actually had some asshole on a fetish site argue with me about cuckqueans and had him tell me I am not one.
Wow. Whatever. I am what I am.
As with any word in the dictionary there is often more than one meaning- and in the end everything is personal. What defines something to someone does not define that same something to someone else. What a personal object, word, or description means to me is not what it will mean to you.
And every fetish has variations, different levels of kink and a wide variety of variances that make things different.
Apparently this asshat feels everything revolves around him and should mean only exactly what he wants it to mean.
But this guy was a psycho, false dom who feels the need to control and humiliate others because he himself is inadequate in real life- he probably has a small cock and needs to hurt others to make himself feel big.
His version of cuckqueaning is all about the control and humiliation of the cuckquean. He likes to hurt her, humiliate her and dominate her. He argued that a cuckquean can not be dominant.
I am a domme. I like to watch. I want to tell the other woman what to do with my husband. I want to remain in control. But it's the visual that gets me off. Not the humiliation. And by the way I do not want to be humiliated nor do I feel humiliation- why because we're in it together and I'm in charge of the situation and fully enjoying the show.
I know the first and often accepted definition of cuckqueaning involves a woman that likes the humiliation.
But it's not the only definition. So I went in search of others. Here's what I found:
“Another popular belief is that cuckolds and cuckqueans eroticize humiliation. While some cucks share this trait, this is not true for everyone.”
After years of scouring the web and discussing this topic fellow cucks, I have come to the conclusion that there is no single explanation to cuckolding, and that what causes us to respond positively to partner infidelity is a combination of factors:
A. Voyeurism: watching people have sex is greatly arousing for many people. Watching someone you’re deeply attached to may just add that extra heat to send you over the edge.
B. Bisexuality: an interest in same sex relations could be a trigger for a lot of cucks, who see it as an opportunity to live their bisexuality in a way that is enjoyable for both themselves and their companion.
C. Gender identity issues: cucks may, perhaps unknowingly, identify themselves with their partner’s body, thereby experiencing intercourse vicariously as a member of the opposite sex.
Misconceptions and Motives
That is the core definition all people involved in this type of sex play agree upon. That is also where the common ground ends and the personal inclinations of those involved take the lead role: some like to watch, others prefer to join in, others still would rather stay home groveling inebriated by sexual arousal and psychological masochism, waiting for their significant other to return from a wild session with their lover.
Many men and women take pleasure in being openly humiliated, while many other enjoy the power trip associated with “sharing” their partner as if s/he were their property. A lot of folk seek some degree of homosexual contact with their partner’s lover, others find the mere thought disgusting. Other factors that may be of relevance are, among others, the lover’s age, race and body parts, being denied sex by the partner, a pre-existent relationship with the lover (best friend, co-worker, boss, neighbour…).
In short, there are as many flavours of cuckolding as there are (willing) cuckolds and cuckqueans (for simplicity, I shall henceforth use the gender-neutral noun “cuck” to refer to practitioners of both sexes).
For me it's about the voyeurism,
the bisexual sharing and participation,
and "the power trip associated with 'sharing' their partner"
I fantasize about watching another woman pleasure my husband.
I want her to stroke him and suck his cock while I watch.
But I still want to be in control.
I would be telling the lovely slut what to do.
I'd tell her when and how to suck his cock.
I'd tell her how to stroke him.