Magic

Once upon a time, far off in a remote kingdom, there lived a young princess whose only wish was to feel true happiness. She searched far and wide, looking for happiness, but after traveling to the far corners of her kingdom, she still had not found it. So she called upon scholars, artisans, minstrels, and jesters from around the kingdom, and welcomed them into her castle, hoping one among them could make her happy; but none could.
Feeling desperate, she invited the three most renown and exalted wizards in the world to her castle, and promised them whoever could make her feel true happiness would win her hand in marriage and share her throne.
The first wizard was an arrogant man who was used to thinking himself right about all things. After contemplating the princess's tale of woe for all of two minutes, he decided that the lady was suffering from acute loneliness. So he pulled out his magic wand--a thick, heavy tool--waved it in the air, and immediately, all the men standing around the princess became infatuated with her. They began to sing her praises and cry out their love; they tripped over themselves in their attempts to kiss her toes.
This was not what the princess wanted. She kicked the men away, and when that didn't work to subdue them, she ordered her guards to carry them out. She ordered the first wizard out with them, too. And so went the first wizard.
The second wizard was a scornful, chauvinistic man. Thinking the princess's unhappiness stemmed from her natural stupidity born from being a woman, he pulled out his magic wand--not as heavy as the first wizard's, but twice as long--and waved it in the air. Immediately, the princess gained new insight into the hearts and minds of all her subjects. She knew all their dirty little secret indulgences and fears.
This was not what the princess wanted. She ordered all her subjects away, including her guard. She also had them kill the wretched wizard outside the castle walls in order to break his terrible spell. And so went the second wizard.
All that was left within the castle was the princess and the third wizard. Now it just so happened that this wizard knew the princess very well. He had, in fact, been in love with her his entire life. He loved her for her elegance, her wit, her charm, and her determination. He also knew this was his only chance to claim the princess as his own, and was not about to let the opportunity, or the princess, escape him.
"My lady, I can help you find true happiness," he said. "But you must do exactly what I say. Kneel down on all fours."
With no one else there to witness her degradation, the princess did as told, and knelt on the cold stone floor like an obedient dog. A second later, she felt her skirt being ripped away; and before she could stand to protest, she felt her wrists being tied smartly behind her back with the material of her skirt.
The wizard pulled out his wand--a thin, wippy rod, not as heavy as the first wizard's nor as long as the second's, but sturdy nonetheless--and began to whip it across the sloping haunches of the princess's very smooth, and very delicate, ass. She hollered and she cursed, but he held her still, and with each snap of his wrist, a new red line appeared across her satiny flesh.
Once she was done with her yells and shrieks and lay inert upon the floor, ass up but face resting on cool stone tile, a dreamy smile playing across her face, he ordered her up, doffed his clothes, and ordered her to straddle him. She did so without protest, sitting atop his pelvis right there on the floor of the royal hall, and when he lifted her hips and planted her right on his unyielding cock, breaching her vaginal cunt in one single penetration, she barely whimpered.
He rocked her hips and ground her slippery cunt against his groin until she got the hang of it, found her natural rhythm, and took over. As the grimace that had masked her pretty features disappeared, becoming a look of stern concentration, the wizard sat up, grabbed his wand, wet it with his mouth and tongue, and then unceremoniously poked it into the princess's tight-ringed ass. The princess let out a high-pierced shriek as he did, and lifted up nearly off his prick, but the wizard pushed her back, and she bounded up and down his glistening cock with growing desperation.
The wizard twisted and gored his wand up her rear channel with grim determination as the princess fucked his cock, milking him with her virgin cunt, until they both came in thunderous explosion, bucking their hips and grinding against each other in quivering, shuddering need. As the princess collapsed over the wizard's body, breathing like a filly after a spirited race, a tranquil smile spread across her lips. She was completely, and perfectly, happy.
After cleaning themselves off and making their attire once more presentable, the princess called in all her subjects and declared the third wizard to be the winner of her hand in marriage. And they lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story is this: it's not the size or shape of the wand that counts. It's not even always the magic it can do. It's the strength, and control, of the hand that wields it.
:P
And here, for your enjoyment, is the Alligator King song from Sesame Street, in case you feel like a trip down memory lane.