Saturday, January 25, 2014

I am His

Conversation with Husband, earlier today:
Me: Listen, later? When you get home...?
Him: Yes?
Me: Don't take no for an answer, okay?
Him: Got it.
Me: Cause later, I might say I'm too tired, or I might just try to crawl into bed, but I really need you to--
Him: I got it.
Me: God, I feel so ridiculous saying this--
Him: Shut up. Don't ever say that. Now I got it, but I have to get back to work, so get off the phone, lady. And be ready.
Me: Yes. Thank you Ba'ali*.
Him: Mm-hm.

Conversation I had later with a friend, through email:
Why would you ask him to screw you, if you don't want him to?
What do you mean? I do want him to. That's why I asked him.
 You asked him to take you even if you say you're too tired, or you try to go to sleep. You obviously don't think you'll want to have sex later. Do you think you'll enjoy it?
I don't know. That's not the point.
Why is enjoying it *not* the point? Why would you want him to screw you if you don't think you'll enjoy it?

This is one of those things that sets female subs apart from other women who don't see themselves as submissive, or even "bottoms." Women are told to think they should get as much pleasure out of sex as their partner does, if not more so. Women shouldn't feel encumbered if their man can't stay hard, or orgasm; there are other methods and techniques women can use to pleasure herself, with or without his help. But suggest that a man pleasure himself with a woman's body, without making sure she's happy, too, and all of a sudden people are up in arms.
Unless those people are BDSM kinksters, I guess.
Sometimes, the point is not the sensual pleasure, and it's not the orgasm. 
It's the submission. The capitulation. Yielding to another, acceding their dominance over you.
There is nothing more submissive in my mind than letting someone invade your body with their own, without any expectations of pleasure in return.
It is not an act of sex: it is a claim of ownership. I am his. He can do to me as he wills.
I am his.
If I am proud of nothing else going on in my life, if I am happy about nothing else, if I am confident about nothing else, if I am sure of nothing else...I can be sure about this.
I am his.

*Ba'ali in hebrew means master, and husband. It is the word I use most often to address him, since he is both. 

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