He is Wonderman

14 year old: You know, Mom, all the best super heroes have sidekicks. That's how you can tell if a super hero is really good or not; if he has a sidekick.

Me: Maybe you're right. So why doesn't Wonder Woman have a sidekick? She's pretty badass.

12 year old: What would her sidekick be called?

Me: ...Wonderman.

Husband, rushing into the room: Here I am, Wonderman!

Me: You scared me!

Husband: Look at my pretty gold bracelets! My lasso of truth! I will tie you up with my rope and make you talk! Wife, the reason why there is no Wonderman is because that sounds gay.

Me: It does not sound gay! 

Husband: And what would he ride in? An invisible car? Guys want to see a badass car! Batman has a badass car! Wonder woman's sidekick cannot drive an invisible car! It's gay. 

Me: That is very homophobic, Husband.

Husband: Well, it's true. And anyway, it's okay. Not everyone has to have a superhero. 

14 year old: Jews don't have a superhero.

Husband: There you go. Jews don't have a superhero.

12 year old: Who would be our superhero, Dad?

Husband: Matzah Man.

Me: Husband!

Husband: He fights evil celiac disease everywhere. And lactose intolerance.

Me: Husband....

Husband: And he has his own motto: Shalom Aleichem, motherfuckers.

Me: That's it. Kids, go to bed.