Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Tale of Safewords

A short story, meant to be funny, inspired by last weekend's SoBad meeting. Because writing this beat doing laundry.
Once upon a time there lived an incredibly kinky, horny, and lecherous Dom. This Dom lived with his submissive, named SubMiss, and his slave, named Slave. The three of them together made up the House of MasterDom. Unfortunately, this Dom was not very smart; but that was okay, because neither were his two women.
One day, MasterDom called his submissive and his slave downstairs to the dungeon.

“SubMiss!” MasterDom called. “Slave! Come down here, RIGHT NOW, please!”
Being the ever-obedient sub and slave they were, the two women rushed down to the dungeon to find their Lord and Master, MasterDom, waiting for them in the middle of the room.
Unfortunately, Slave had been in the process of cleaning out the litter box of their cat, Pussy, when she had heard her Master’s call, and so she was still wearing a pair of long yellow rubber gloves. MasterDom frowned when he saw Slave kneeling before him wearing the gloves.
“You know you are not supposed to enter the dungeon wearing any clothes, Slave,” he said.
“I’m sorry, MasterDom,” Slave said. “But you called, and I didn’t want to take the time to remove the gloves first. Shall I do so now?”
“No,” MasterDom sighed. “There is no place to put them here. You might as well just leave them on.”
“Yes, MasterDom.”
“Now then, “ MasterDom said, getting down to business and addressing both women, “I have called you in here because my new flogger has finally arrived from, and I would like to try it out. SubMiss, since Slave is stuck wearing the rubber gloves, I guess you’ll have to be my first test subject.”
“Yes, MasterDom,” Sub replied, her eyes growing wide. “Shall I stand against the St. Andrew’s Cross?”
“What a marvelous idea! I mean, yes, SubMiss, go stand against the Cross.”

SubMiss went to stand against the Cross, and MasterDom buckled her into the restraints. But before MasterDom could begin flogging her with his brand new flogger, Slave stopped him.

“MasterDom,” she said, “Allow me to remind you, in my most humble supplication, that we need to agree on a new safeword. Our last one did not work so well.”
“Oh, yes,” MasterDom said, slapping the flogger against his thigh. “Harder did not really work as a safeword, did it? Neither did Owie, now that I think of it. Okay, we must all agree on a new safeword, and this time, let’s make it a good one.”
“It must be something we wouldn’t normally say in conversation, or during a scene,” Slave said. “Something that stands out.”
“This is very true,” MasterDom agreed. “Do you have any ideas, Slave?”
“How about ‘copacetic’?” Slave offered.
“Copacetic? What does that mean?”
“It means satisfactory,” she told him.
“Its sounds like the name of a medicine,” MasterDom replied, scowling.
“Well, it’s certainly not something you’d use during a BDSM scene, is it?” Slave said. “But if you don’t like it, how about ‘lugubrious’?”
“Lugubrious?” MasterDom repeated. “What does that mean?”
“It means dismal.”
“It sounds like something that comes out of your nose,” MasterDom said. “Think of something else.”
“Okay…how about effluvium?”
“Effluvium?” MasterDom cocked his brow. “Are you just making words up now, Slave?”
“No, MasterDom,” Slave shook her head. “I wouldn’t do that, no way. Effluvium means an unpleasant smell.”
“All these words you’re giving me are very strange,” MasterDom said. “Can’t you give me something more normal?”
“But you want it to be strange, MasterDom,” Slave reminded him. “You want it to be a word we wouldn’t normally use.”
“This is true,” MasterDom sighed. “Can you give me something more pleasant sounding? And more kinky?”
“How about hornswoggle?”
“Hornswoggle certainly sounds more kinky,” MasterDom had to agree. “It has the word horn in it. Any word with horn in it has to be kinky. What does it mean?”
“It means to deceive,” Slave replied.
MasterDom pursed his lips. “Give me another word,” he said. “Something with more of an erotic meaning.”
“Well then, how about concupiscent?” Slave replied. “It means ‘possessed of erotic desire.’ ”
“I like it,” MasterDom said. “That’s the one. SubMiss, did you hear what the safeword is?”
“Concupiscent,” Sub said, giggling against the Cross. “It sounds funny.”
“Be serious, now!” MasterDom yelled, raising the flogger. “There is no giggling allowed in a BDSM scene! BDSM IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!”
“Sorry, MasterDom,” Sub said, contrite. “I won’t do it again.”
“Good!” MasterDom said. “Now let’s begin. Are the restraints around your wrists okay?”
“They are copacetic,” Sub replied.
“Why, SubMiss,” MasterDom said, shocked. “Are you trying to safeword before we even begin the scene?”
“No MasterDom,” SubMiss said. “I’m saying the restraints are satisfactory. Our safeword is concupiscent, remember?”
“That’s right,” MasterDom said, remembering. “No giggling, SubMiss!”
“Sorry, MasterDom.”
“Okay then. If the restraints are good, we shall begin.”

MasterDom began to flog SubMiss against the cross. Soon, she was crying and howling, and MasterDom had a huge smile on his face.

“How does it feel, SubMiss?” He asked between hits.
“Lugubrious!” Sub shouted.
MasterDom stopped the flogger mid-swing and stepped back. “What did you have to safeword for?”
“Why MasterDom, I wasn’t trying to safeword,” SubMiss said, surprised. “You asked me how it felt, and I was trying to say dismal. This new flogger really hurts.”
“Oh,” MasterDom said. “Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, we shall now continue, SubMiss.”
“Yes, MasterDom.”
MasterDom began to flog SubMiss once more. As the flogging continued, the marks on SubMiss’s thighs and ass grew redder and redder.

“Oh, SubMiss, you look so beautiful,” MasterDom said in a hoarse voice. “Your bottom is so sexy.”

“Concupiscent,” Sub cried.
“That’s right, I’m feeling concupiscent, too,” MasterDom agreed, flogging her harder.
“Concupiscent! Concupiscent!”
“MasterDom, I think SubMiss is trying to safeword,” Slave remarked.
MasterDom lowered the flogger. “SubMiss, are you trying to safeword?”
“Yes, MasterDom!” Sub shouted. “Something in here smells really awful! I can’t take it anymore! What is that stench?”
“Effluvium,” Slave said.
MasterDom rounded on her. “Now why are you trying to safeword?” he yelled. “You’re not even the one getting flogged!”
“No, I mean, I think there’s a bad odor in the air,” Slave said. She sniffed her gloves and grimaced. “I think the smell is coming from my gloves.”
“Why would your gloves smell bad?” MasterDom asked.
“Because of the box.”
“Which box?”
“Pussy’s box.”
“Your pussy smells?” MasterDom asked, cringing. “Ew. You should have that looked into, Slave.”
“No, MasterDom, it’s from the cat’s litter box. I was cleaning it out with the gloves on before I came down here. “
“Ah, that makes more sense,” MasterDom said, relieved. “I have to agree, the smell is getting in the way of the scene. Perhaps we should stop for now, and continue this later.”
“Yes, MasterDom,” SubMiss said, slouching against the Cross. “Please.”
MasterDom uncuffed SubMiss from the St. Andrew’s Cross. “You did good under the circumstances, SubMiss,” he said. “I’m sure our next scene will be better.”
“Hornswoggle,” SubMiss replied.
“No need to safeword now, the scene is over,” MasterDom said in a comforting voice.
Submiss turned around. “MasterDom, may I make a humble suggestion? From now on, could we stick with ‘red’ as our safeword? It is much easier to remember.”
“Why SubMiss, what a marvelous idea,” MasterDom said. “I wonder why no one’s ever thought of it before. Red! It’s perfect. What an amazing submissive you are.”
“Thank you, MasterDom,” SubMiss said, smiling. The three of them returned upstairs, with Slave in the lead.

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